Patience is a virtue.
And I definitely do not have an ounce of it.
Especially when it involves people who can get stupid. A couple of weeks ago, I asked newbie about an email.
Me: "Do you have the figures for the presentation?"
Newbie: "No. Do you?"
Grrr.
I was itching to be my sarcastic self but instead, I inhaled, exhaled, and counted to ten. Had I not done that, I would have said any of the following:
"If I had it, would I be asking you, you toad?"
"Are you stupid or are you really stupid? Why would I ask for something if I had it already?"
"Are you from (insert name of alien planet)? Do you understand English?"
"Would I waste my time talking to you if I had the figures?"
Yesterday afternoon some items that were supposed to be part of a giveaway at an event two weeks ago but were not given because they never arrived were delivered to the office. Many, many hours later, the supplier said they needed some of it back tomorrow for the client.
Me: "Sorry, office is closed tomorrow and I don't have a key."
Tonta: "Naku, need your powers. Client is requesting for it. Please help."
Again I wanted to be really sarcastic. In the first place, they should have been more organized and set aside what they would think the client might need. And does she actually think that I'll go to the office on a weekend?
Just like the other instance, I did not respond. Again I would have said any of the following:
"Okay. Let me look for a rock, head back to the office, throw it at the door, so I can get 4 pieces of your precious items for the client."
"I do not have the power to open locked doors or conjure keys to unlock them."
"Will you pay for my gas, restore lost mileage, and somehow make sure my car does not get depreciated in the process so I could experience traffic and the one hour drive all the way down south from Makati, get the key from the office manager and get 4 items you need, which, by the way, you should have thought of setting aside awhile ago?"
"Let me go through my imaginary platinum Vertu and have the 24-hour concierge search for a locksmith for me."
"Let me concentrate. The door just might unlock if I think of it real hard."
"Wait, let me focus The Secret style. The door just might be open by the time I get to the office!"
"I'll help you pray you find your brain."
Now close your eyes, count to ten, and breathe.